Joy, Not Perfection.

Perfection. We do not use the word in a productive manner. I would prefer it be eradicated from the language completely. While it might work for the occasional piece of cheesecake, or a sunny autumn morning, we all use it and expect it of ourselves and others FAR too frequently. It is detrimental to ourselves, and to our perception of others. It hurts our soul, makes us think we are not capable, or worthy of magical things, and makes us idolize other people or situations.  It keeps us from pushing forward for our own goals and dreams, out of fear of never reaching perfection, which is in fact an impossible task. It keeps us discouraged, and keeps those we place on pedestals feeling like they could never live up to the expectations of those around them- stunting their own growth.

I have been thinking a lot lately about the matter of perspective, and our tendencies to idolize and assign perfection to those who hold qualities we wish we had ourselves. We are all the idolizers and the idolized. We want what others have, and they want what we have (or what they think we have). People go on attempting to attain something with the hope it will make them happier, because from their perspective, it has made the lives of others easier and happier. In the end, I think it is terribly important to focus on what brings us each joy, and how to stay focused on appreciating what we have ourselves, rather than separating people into groups of have and have-nots. We all hold the potential to achieve our dreams and goals- unless that dream or goal is to be someone else.

A co-worker noted recently he had just become aware that his "parents are humans too." I think many of us can relate to the notion that those we look up to are God-like creatures, all-knowing and unable to do wrong. When we idolize people, we give them superhuman qualities. We assume they do not deal with the everyday issues and big losses as we non-perfect people have to. We also assume that even when they do deal with loss, hurt or surprise, they are able to do so more gracefully because they are "perfect", and their perfect lives allow it to hurt less. I am sure not many people have thought this directly, but I see it often.  We expect those we idolize do not feel pain as we feel pain, because they are either beautiful, rich, talented, or any other "perfect" quality, and so it must soften the blow for them.

This past winter, I was going through some of my own issues just after I moved to Honolulu. I often heard: "Well, what have got to worry about? You're living in Hawaii!" This was obviously unfair, as pain and fear does not numb in tropical climates. We have to remember that the grass is only greener from where we stand. Once we put ourselves in the exact position of others, we can see it is really only a matter of perspective. What this experience has taught me is that we all have issues. They might affect us all differently, but in the end, it is all relative.
"The size of a misfortune is not determinable by an outsider's measurement of it but only by the measurements applied to it by the person specially affected by it. The king's lost crown is a vast matter to the king but of no consequence to the child. The lost toy is a great matter to the child but in the king's eyes it is not a thing to break the heart about." ~Mark Twain

Photo Credit: Stevemease.com

This idea of relative pain can also apply to happiness. I know many beautiful, rich or talented people who are not happy with what they have, and desire to lose more weight, gain more money, or be better at their talent. It is important to focus on what we each have to share, and not be quick to judge it, because we are each so different from each other, and we each have many wonderful qualities that we can share with the world to make it a more beautiful place. Just do what brings you joy, and your joy will spread like the zombie apocalypse ;-D

 I will assign you an activity! For the first time in my blogging history, I will give you homework. Don't worry, you do not have to share it. It is just for you. Grab a fancy journal, a napkin, a piece of scrap paper, whatever you have near. NOW, take a few minutes to breathe. Close your eyes, focus on your breath, just for now, let go of your worries. You can go back to them after, should you feel the need, for now let them rest. Write a list of things you are grateful for, stating "I am grateful for..." at the beginning of each. Try to write at least 10, more if you are on a roll!

Example of what I would write: I am grateful to be ALIVE! I am grateful to be writing. I am grateful for my beautiful sister. I am grateful to have a job. I am grateful to have a day off. I am grateful to be me. I am grateful...  Do this for this every morning for a week. If after a week, you have no desire to continue, or it does not seem to work for you, then discontinue the practice. BUT- if after a week, you start to notice that you are more focused on yourself, and what brings you gratitude and joy- then PLEASE continue. I have found that it keeps me more focused on the vibrant colors of my own grass, rather than that of my neighbors. 

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