For the Love of My Creative Dreams

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

- Marianne Williamson

I have spent the last few years daydreaming about my ideal lifestyle: traveling the world, living out of a backpack, crashing each night in transient backpacker hostels, or on the floor of a stranger I met on the road. Every day I would wake up knowing that everything I saw would be new and exciting. There would be an adventure everyday; whether it would be learning the importance of bottled water (the hard way), or standing on a peak overlooking Machu Picchu.

I miss the days of sharing a room with 19 strangers; the days where I awoke to foreign accented curses being thrown around by one or more of the 19 room mates who waited for the single bathroom to open; I miss seeing new sights and meeting new friends every day; I miss the uncertainty of what was going to come next, and the growing trust in the Universe to bring me exactly what I needed at any given moment (there were so many gifts to receive!) I miss travel.

It has been a long held dream of mine to become a travel writer. I have a particular idea set for a book (with the potential of being 2 books... or even a series!) that I would like to write while traveling the world. I have so many ideas that I am bursting at the loosely stitched seams that are trying to contain me. People try so hard to work toward living the life of their dreams. The fact is, my dream is not something that I could simply work toward. It is something that I have to DO.

So... I recently came to the conclusion that I have been taking the long way around to achieve my goal. It is a path that, while insightful and valuable in it's own right, is not my own, but that of my father's, or at least his idea of what is right for me. I love school, and the last three years have been really enlightening and valuable to me, but I have spread myself too thin, and I have become weary from the lack of adventure in my life. I thought that I had to get an education, a degree, a job as cultural anthropologist, gain experience, study some more, and gain notoriety of some kind before I could even think about trying to accomplish my dream. The fact is, all I really have to do to accomplish this goal is to save money, book my flights, and then WRITE!

After nearly three years at a community college, I took what I thought was the next logical step for me and my goals: I transferred to a state college that offered my desire major, Cultural Anthropology. It seemed like a great idea, and I felt that I was well on my way to getting that book published. Had I decided to stay on that path, I most likely would have accomplished my goal, though it would have happened much later in my life. The timing did not feel right. I moved to Johnson, Vermont. I felt as if I were a large fish that had been given a much smaller tank. I could not stretch. I could not swim. I was not engaged in the classes, I was not enthused or open to the lessons I had to learn in that space. I was not happy, I was not inspired, and I soon began to feel depressed and caged. It felt as if every thing was pushing me away from that place, from that lifestyle.

Six weeks into the semester, after giving it my best shot, I decided that it was not working out. I accepted the fact that I was fighting against the raging river that is my creative dream. I gave in, and let the water carry me, rather than battle it. It was scary. I had no idea what I was going to do. Earlier in the semester I had been accepted into the National Student Exchange program at Manoa on Oahu, and purchased a one way, non-refundable plane ticket to Hawaii. Now, I have no plan, and a one way ticket that I cannot get out of. It seems that it is time to trust in that ol' Universe again.

A few weeks after I decide to leave school, I assisted a workshop at the Omega Institute for my friend and mentor SARK. The workshop, Juicy Pens, Thirsty Paper (based on the book with the same name) was the same workshop I had attended during my very first assisting opportunity with her. It was during that first workshop, 3 or 4 years ago now, that I had come up with the original ideas for my travel story. SARK has been incredibly encouraging and ever-so-supportive of my ideas and decision to now move forward with my creative dream.

So it is now that I would like to share with the world that on January 5th, I will be leaving for Hawaii, and will not return home until I have traveled the world to my hearts desire, and have written my book. My current plan is to live in Honolulu, work and live at a hostel while waiting tables, saving money, networking with fellow travelers, and exploring the islands. I hope to leave for my travels (exact destinations are yet to be determined) by September 2011. I plan to follow the summer, keeping the sunshine on my face, and smile in my heart. I will keep this blog as a way to communicate with my family, friends, and fans ;-D I hope that you will all follow me on my journey, sending me love, inspiration, and supportive thoughts from home, when I am feeling just a little homesick. It is my deep hope that my actions will inspire many others to do the same as I have, to follow your creative dreams through a direct path, no matter how scary, or how challenging it may be. I love you all, and thank you for reading!

This is a photo that I had my friend Adrian Bond photoshop for me. It is a creative visualization tool that I look at everyday so that I may someday manifest it in to reality!